Writings
<Insert Title> » Fri, May 26th 2006 3:35 pm
Yes. I know. I haven’t written anything in a while. I’ve tried, believe me. But I just can’t seem to finish anything. I’ve had a few good topics going, but by the time I’m about halfway through writing about them, I feel I’ve already cleared everything up for myself, or I realize that I haven’t put enough thought into it and end up erasing the entire page.
It’s not writer’s block. No, it’s something worse. I want to write, I begin writing, then I grow tired and/or uninterested in the subject and proceed to doing something else. It doesn’t feel like anything I’ve written is worthy of publication, if only on my own web site. I read other sites, and I’m jealous of their authors’ talents. Jealousy used to inspire me, but recently it’s only been discouraging. I don’t have the time to sit down and focus on something long enough to turn it into something “good”, by my own standards. So I’m writing this. A boring post stating that because I can’t satisfy myself right now, I should just stop trying.
Here’s where I’d usually select all the text and press DEL on my keyboard. Why? Because it feels like I’ve stated the obvious. “Aaron’s bored of writing, but he shouldn’t be because deep down he enjoys it.” Durh! I’ve just lost all desire to post this. Someone reading this is probably wishing I’d gone with my instincts, too. But, for the same reason that person’s going to keep reading, I’m going to keep writing: I want to see where this is going…
I’m wondering now if writing’s just been a crutch for me. I can’t solve math problems in my head, so I write them down. I can’t solve problems in my head, so I write them down. I used to think that, at least some of the time, my topics were clever or thought-provoking, but the older I get, the more I realize that it’s all been done before and it’s been done better.
I’m not quitting, retiring, or going on vacation. I’m just writing what it is I think whenever I sit down to write something new. I’ll continue to describe things that confuse me, interest me, or frighten me. I think it important for me to just stop caring that someone else has probably been confused, interested, or frightened by the same things. What’s important is that it’s new to me. Yeah. That makes sense.
PS: I’m not going crazy. Once a week, my 7th-grade English teacher would make us sit down and write out two pages of whatever we wanted. I’d write stuff like this. It’s easy when you pretend nobody’s ever going to read it.
1 Neil Kelty on Fri, Jun 23rd 2006 6:47 pm
I wouldn’t be jealous of others writer’s sites - as yours I place among the top of the line to read. Although you may be "rather inconsistent" in your schedule - I just check back every once and a while.
I was expecting you to be too busy to write rather than "bored."